Don't look at me. I'm lost.

I did not have a lot of time to devote to this yesterday but I did try and watch some of the political pundits make sense out of the March 4th primaries. You remember, those were the ones that Hillary had to win by large margins to stay in the race?

That seems to have changed. She got Ohio which once again had a voting irregularity. I am thrilled about that because Ohio and it's constant voting irregularities has taken a lot of attention off my state of New Mexico and the graveyard vote. She barely squeaked by in Texas primaries and if they ever finish the count (here again I am thrilled with this glitch because no one is looking at New Mexico and how long it took us to count after our super Tuesday caucus) Obama may well have won that one. They split Rhode Island and Vermont. But Hillary seems to be declaring that this all showed buyers remorse and she is the horse to back.

I think it merely shows that when she and the Clinton political machine (Remember Chicago and Mayor Daley? He was good because while he ran things New Mexico was only number two on dirty politics) get rolling on fear mongering they can do it better than the Republicans. I had such hope but clearly that counts for nothing. The Clinton's will snatch the election from Obama and I will be forced to back Hillary if I do not want a third term of George Bush with his stand in, John McCain.

All of which leaves only one question: Where did we go wrong? I wish it was as simple as a wrong turn in Albuquerque. But I greatly fear it was in having hope and once again trying to trust in the process of Democracy. I know it is not a democracy. I know the political system is broken. I know that relief organizations founded to help the poor and uninsured in the Amazon are now doing relief work outside Cleveland. But for just a tiny little minute there I had hope. Damn, I was doing so well without it. I wonder if the Iraqis feel the same?

I thought this looked familiar

At one point yesterday, deep in the throes of cabin fever, I found myself staring at CNN's coverage of the political campaign and asking myself what was so familiar about all this.

Yes, it is another presidential campaign and despite all the promises to the contrary by various horses in the race they have not changed it. There is I thought, thankfully, more debate and more airing of views then there has been in the last two of these fiascoes. But when a candidate feels behind they still start slinging the mud. And enough of it seemed to be flying through the air yesterday that I just wanted to duck under the table and hide.

That is when it hit me about what was so familiar about the whole presidential primary theater. I whipped out my copy of Alice in Wonderland and felt immediately comforted. After all that isn't real is it? Poor Alice. All she is trying to do is get back to solid ground where they rules of her childhood . . . well, ruled. There are no Cheshire cats with silly grins remaking themselves every state, or paths to the convention that are erased by some new pundit with a clean sweep of the situation. And there is definitely not a Mad Hatter's tea party right?

As I watched the Mad Hatter pour tea I was reminded for some reason of former President Bill Clinton. And Hillary came to mind when the dormouse pops up out of the teapot. The March Hare just has to be John McCain. And I am of course Alice. We are all Alice. Trying to make sense of this strange musical chairs type party with riddles that have no answers and no opportunity to actually sip our tea and make our own decisions.

And from here on in the movie and the book it gets worse. There is the Queen of Hearts with off with their heads. Hmmm. Maybe Hillary is her. Sometimes. And Bill is the apologetic little king. Then in the scene in the rose garden Obama has to be Alice. Off with his head because he has defied the queen. I am probably the flamingo in this part.

Well, to make a long and silly blog shorter I recommend you re-watch Disney's classic film of Alice in Wonderland. It does make the whole political landscape a great deal clearer. I am just not sure that is a good thing.

My Brownie leader stole cookie money

Mea Culpas are obviously required here. I must confess at the age of seven my Brownie troup leader either lost or misappropriated funds from the Girl Scout cookie sale.

I only bring this up because it is obviously a black mark against Barack Obama that his church was audited by the Internal Revenue Service. Opps.

I must admit when asked to run for a low level political position I said no because of some of my more age appropriate behavior (and decade appropriate - if you can remember the 60's you didn't do them) in my college days. It had not occurred to me that the behavior of people I knew would be called into question as to my fitness to serve and country commissioner.

This is beginning to sound an awful lot like the McCarthy hearings which my mother made me watch: "History in the making." Not ever wanting to run for office after watching that debacle - not the proudest of moments for the United States - I never screened my acquaintances as appropriate for my future political aspirations.

I admit I never found out about my Brownie leader until much later. Had I known at seven I have a real picture of the discussion with my mother. "I'm not going to the meeting." "Why ever not?" "I just feel she is not an appropriate role model for my formative years, Mom."

I was often accused of having a smart mouth and I doubt that dialog would have helped. I did stop going to my Girl Scout troop meetings when in high school. I was the only Democrat in the group and it was just really uncomfortable to attend as my mother was Democratic Precinct leader and very pro J.F.Kennedy. One of those girls in the troop had a child out of wedlock after being raped. Does that count against me? Or should I say I stopped going because she was not a good example? Must I denounce and reject her and our former affiliation as members of the same scout group?

And if Obama is to be condemned for belonging to a church that filed its taxes wrong what about Hillary being married to a unfaithful husband that lied about it.

I really do think I could bring something to public office but no way am I even going there. I wonder how many other able and talented leaders are out there which are being excluded not just because of youthful transgressions but the transgressions of friends and organizations?

Is this our last chance for a woman president?

Now that my tax preparation is over I can get back to paying attention to the political races. We seem to have sunk from the silly season to the dirty season in the few days it has taken me to gather up my expenditure records and order them for my CPA.

Strange things have been happening. McCain says he had no idea who was introducing him. Or what the loose cannon was going to say. That would not be the politic thing to do. It is my understanding that everyone that speaks for a candidate is thoroughly vetted and told expliciatly what they can and cannot say. So he said what they told him to say so John could look grand with his apology? Maybe.

And frankly how involved is a candidate with his middle name? He didn't have an option at the time. Here here are a lot of Jesus's and even a few Jesus Cristo's but I am not about to assume they are willing to die on the cross. And New Mexico was the land of hippy communes so we have a plethora of Stars, Moons, Crystals. Have their parents ruined any chance they have of running for president in the future? My middle name is Marie. Would I be associated with the French Marie Antonette should I chose to run for public office?

But the one slimy campaign tactic which upsets me the most of late is that this is our one and only chance to elect a woman as president. And if we do not vote Hillary in now we will never get another chance to vote for a woman. This seems to be forwarded through many Hillary supporters as why all us women should support her and not Obama. Sorry but I just don't buy that. Not voting for Hillary does not mean I am against having a woman as president. Just this woman at this time.

I don't like that we are getting two for one. I think the world has changed a great deal since Bill held the office. And I believe too much of her energy would be taken up by shooing Bill out of the room. Hillary also has a few of the negatives I don't like to see in a woman in power - be it CEO or President. She can be shrill and domineering. There are times the derogative word Fishwife springs to mind.

And I wanted a woman as president because I thought they would bring a greater sense of humanity and compromise to the office. I do not see either of those qualities in Hillary. Especially since she is willing to let her campaign play the sex card. And she let Bill play the race card. She just does not reflect my values. Or the values I would like to see in a President of this country.

There has to be a better system

The weather has won and I have given up on the thought of getting over the mountain to get paint to work on the studio. My alternative is taxes. My CPA wants my records by March 1.

Artists in my experience are seldom organized but I because of my head injury may be worse. And this year with the building of the studio is horrendous. I know because it took me all morning to just assemble all the receipts and files and past records on the folding desk in the studio.

I am probably my CPA's worst nightmare this year. I am on Social Security Disability, I have income from a rental unit which this year I did a major redo on, the art business with mega loses this year, and the studio built in part from withdrawing retirement funds. It is all way beyond me doing my own taxes even with all the new computer programs out there. So I pay someone to do it for me even though my net income this year is probably well below $25,000. So why do taxes have to be this difficult?

And why are none of the current candidates talking of an easier and simpler way? Except Ron Paul if he is still even running. Ralph Nader announced he was yet again running (is he being paid by the Republicans to pull votes away from the Democrats) because there are not issues being addressed. YES. Everyone seems to be addressing character assassination and not what the electorate really wants addressed.

There is the Tax Code and the unfair taxes on the middle class. And not a single candidate since Bill Richardson bowed out has addressed the abuse of the west with taking our water and energy and using us as a dumping ground for spent nuclear fuel. He was also the last person to mention ending no child left behind which has resulted in a 40% drop out rate in our state.

And have you noticed they are for comprehensive immigration reform and no border security when in a state with a heavy Hispanic vote but for enforcing our laws when addressing those that want us to be a nation of laws for all applied equally?

How about equal taxation? Fair taxes. Easy taxes. Wasn't this what started the Revolutionary War? Maybe it is time for another.

We are electing an attitude

In the early 1970's I worked for a United States Senator in Washington, D.C. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life and the most educational.

Senator Charles Goodall of New York was appointed to fill the remaining term of Senator Robert Kennedy. He got the office and the staff that Kennedy had built. They were a dedicated and intelligent group of youth who and followed Kennedy's lead for change. Had he lived and been elected president they would no doubt have been on his presidential staff.

In those years leading up to the embarrassment of having a leader of our country resign because of crimes against the country I had two examples of what is good and what is bad in government. Goodall listened to his staff and Nixon dictated to his staff.

There is no way any one person can know every aspect of every issue facing a state as large as New York or Illinois or Texas let alone the United States of America. There are those that would argue we have become so large and diverse we would function better as a federation of nation states. The only way to attempt to do what is best for this country is to listen to trusted advisers that have at heart the good of the citizens of this country. To do that you need to have an open mind and an ability to inspire, not rule.

Our present president wants to rule. It is his way or the highway. He listens to only those few advisers he refuses to replace regardless of the advise they give him. And I am not that sure if at the moment he listens to them. We do not need another eight years of someone that is so damn sure they are right that they argue with everyone about everything.

Now more than ever in the history of this country the leader needs to listen. Listen to the woes of the citizens, listen to the division in our country and the world, listen to other world leaders, listen to scientists and educators, and come to a decision about the direction to be taken and inspire the congress and the people of this nation to follow him or her.

We need someone that can build consensus, rally the various factions to work together, and open dialog with the enemies created by G.W.Bush. The days of leaders like Teddy Roosevelt is gone. There is no San Juan hill to be charged up. We need leaders with a predisposition to listen and negotiate and change if necessary or change the opinions of the electorate if that is necessary. We need leaders that can pick staff and advisers for their intelligence and knowledge; not for their ability to click their heels and salute.

The primary process is meant to be difficult and prolonged. some say it be nice if we could all vote in a national primary on one day, but would we have learned enough about those running in that short time? Our primary system stresses our candidates so we get to see how they behave under pressure. How their staffs behave under pressure. How well everyone works as a team. If you cannot make nice with your opponent how can you negotiate with a potential enemy to avoid a war. Bombing them, with words or weapons, is the easy choice. Reducing everything to a one liner like Flip Flopper is taking the easy way out. We want and need someone this time around that cannot only talk and inspire, but listen and find common ground.

We are not seeking a Republican or Democrat, woman or man, white or black. We are seeking a leader with the right attitude; one that is well aware they do not know everything.

Just Mean-spirited

My brother and I had a lot to learn as children about Good Sportsmanship. We fought like cats and dogs regardless of the result of the game. Dad would rush in and tear up the source of the fight be it a Monopoly game or Scrabble board. "If you cannot lose with grace," he would say, "then either don't play or learn not to lose." I chose the former with my brother who was the world's worst winner. He gloated. He was just a mean-spirited person.

I arrived at that decision after a childhood of watching him. He narrated his Ping Pong games like a sports caster, never lost with grace, never congratulated you on a game well played, or acknowledged your victory. He always gloated over his wins, and would rub in his opponent's mistakes for days. Maybe that is why politics make me cringe. And why I can no longer embrace Mrs. Clinton.

Yes, I have blogged here about how Obama has given me hope again but I felt that regardless of which Democratic candidate won I could fall behind the party as opposition to John McCain and another eight devastating years under a Republican administration. But I have to say that I find Hilary just plain mean-spirited. She did not last night, as tradition dictates, come to the mike and acknowledge her opponent's victory. And her negative ads are every bit as bad as we can expect from the Republicans in the campaign for the Presidency. This leads to not only the polarization of our country into Red states and Blue states but into those for and those against the Clinton machine.

But what does this mean-spiritedness say about our country? Nothing good. More of the same as another mean-spirited politician; G.W. Bush. If I was the leader of another country I certainly would not want to play with the United States just like I never wanted to play with my brother. We used to be good sports. What has happened to us? Do we want to win so bad we cannot be nice? Or do we see this behavior on the part of our leaders and follow their example?