Tuesday, February 9, 2010

It has been too long, Baby


I will admit it. I have missed Sarah Palin. Say what you will about this future candidate for the highest office of this nation, but you have to admit she is entertaining. So were the Marx Bros. But fortunately none of them every tried to run for higher office.

Sarah, that Alaskan moose and wolf hunter of the previous campaign, who has denounced President Obama for using a teleprompter, was caught using crib notes on her palm. Quite obviously she failed to learn to cheat properly in school. Probably home schooled. There are serious loopholes in home schooling. You never write the answers on your palm, Sarah!

Palms sweat and you wind up with ink all over. But if you are going to use black ink the black dress was inspired. But like the key under the potted palm on the front door stoop the palms of the hands are all to obvious a place to hide the answers for a test. And unless you plan to keep your hands in your pockets it is quite definitely the wrong place to put your notes for a speech. Every junior debater knows that. And never use black ink. I was fond of the inside of my wrist under a long-sleeved shirt in red ink. Some teachers thought I was into self-mutilation.

And what was it Sarah feared she would not remember? Energy, Budget cuts (with "budget" crossed out), Tax, Lift American Spirits. Such a waste of palm space. And cheating. If you are going to cheat, cheat big. Things like the dates of all the Russian Revolutions, or all of Tolstoy's novels (or just the main characters of War and Peace), or all the countries of Africa and their capitals, or the spelling of words with more than four syllables. But if you cannot remember four big issues like energy, budget cuts, taxes and spirits of the American people go back to Wasilla, Alaska and shot moose.

Please note for future reference, Sarah, that moose are those huge things with the long hooked noses, and not the fleet, furry, dog-like creatures you shoot from a plane.